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Category Archives: Personal

Weekly Life

I dedicate myself to spend time helping our babe learn to sleep and soothe herself. We stay indoors for her to feel secure and comforted in her own bed, surrounded by familiar rooms and sounds. I rock her, sing her lullaby, rub her blanket on her face then say I love you. I cherish these moments together.

She learns to sleep quickly that Mister and I start to enjoy restful sleep after three months of night feedings. I see the difference in all of us, we’re happy, loving, and content with one another.

I spend an afternoon nap looking for clothes to add to my closet and fill an online shopping cart full of sheers and cotton in soft muted nudes and whites. I anticipate their arrival to update my wardrobe and help me feel beautiful in my postpartum body.

There is a day that I see clearly that she needs me and wants me. Not just for food but for comfort as well. That when she is placed in my arms I feel her tighten her tiny arms around my neck, she tilts her head and places it on my shoulder facing out, the deepest sigh escapes her tiny body and the she completely relaxes into me. Her and I spend so much time together, attached by a beautiful entwined ribbon between the two of us, that she yearns for me to know she is safe. I revel in the feeling of being wanted but struggle with always having to feel like I should be near her.

A friend comes to visit and spontaneously her and I are doing a photoshoot together with the cherry blossoms. She spends so much time asleep that she captivated by the pink snow falling down and the world around her. I dream of summer picnics, camping adventures, and exploring the city together.

Later in the week I tuck her into her carrier close to my chest to walk to take her passport photos. Along the way we are admired and smiled at. The carrier makes me feel a dishevelled but with my oversized tortoise shell sunglasses, grey cape thrown over my shoulders, coach handbag on my wrist, and black skinnies to show off my figure I feel and see the admiration people have for me. A new mother who puts herself together.

The weekend comes and with Saturday it is my day and I Implement a no internet/email day. We start the day staring and connecting with each other as well as with Isla. We are present. No need for tag teaming, we do everything together. You wash, I dry. You swaddle her, I’ll put her down. You start the sentence, I’ll finish it. This connection leads us to chasing each other down the hall and tumbling into bed, eager to strip our clothes off. It’s the most sweet interlocking of bodies that sends us into a deep sleep afterwards.

We enjoy hours of conversation. Another latte, more snuggles with Isla, being more aware and present with one another.

We take an afternoon walk in the rain with her in the pram. As we walk along the seawall I take everything in, the way the light is falling across the buildings, the birds dipping in the water, the crowds of families rushing to play together or attend a weekend birthday party. We stop in at the grocers and pick up fresh ingredients to make a dinner for two before heading home.

A warm house welcomes us as our wet footprints leave a trail through the home. We prepare snacks of oven top popcorn drizzled in duck fat, rice crisps and hummus, homemade guacamole paired with fresh baguette.

As the sun starts to shift towards the horizon she takes her afternoon nap and Mister lays down in our large bed to read a novel. I run a bath of lavender and hot water to soak in. As the candle flickers in the corner I realize we haven’t been this calm in a long time. I cannot remember a time seeing him so relaxed with no stress outlining his eyes. I crave more days like this.

We mix the ingredients together and sit before a single candle lit dinner where Isla joins us. The music is turned off and the only sound is us in conversation. As the skyline turns from duck to night she finally calms down and is ready to be put to bed, and we continue our conversation till late in the night of plans to build our networth, his career aspirations, and building on passion.

We awake to Sunday, his day. We relax at home slowly eating breakfast, showering, getting dressed. We spend lingering moments with our babe not rushing her or us to go anywhere or do anything.

I spend the day in between naps soaking up a new novel while he works away in his office. I hear her wake up from her midmorning nap and begin the timer for letting her cry it out. 10. 15. 20. She doesn’t stop and my heart longs for her so I finally pick her up and she instantly calms. I bring her to our bedroom and lay with her on our bed together and she curls her tiny body into into my chest. One hand clutching my shirt the other thrown across her eyes I lay there watching her and listening to her breathing until I know she’s fallen into a deep sleep.

I take her to watch Mister’s soccer game and I feel a sense of pride wash over me. I am that woman, that wife, that mother who brings her babe to cheer him on. Between shifts he runs up to me with sweat running down his face and kisses me hard on the lips, I know he appreciates me being there.

I take her home afterwards to feed and change her before heading back out to celebrate with his teammates. I dress her in her white and grey stripped onesie with her white hat. I throw on my grey cape and large sunglasses before placing her in the crook of my arm. We are a sight to be seen. A stylish mother with a stylish babe, relaxed and smiling as we walk down the street, we bring smiles to everyone who sees us. As we walk into the pub I hear the ohh and awes given to our babe; she brings delight where ever she goes. She sits in his lap looking around and watching everyone. We are proud of what a calm and happy babe we have.

I sing her lullaby and we kiss her goodnight that soon she is a sleeping babe in her crib. He is in his office so I crawl onto his lap and we look over all the photos I’ve taken of her in the past 12 weeks. How much she’s grown! I can’t believe how small she was! Look, her first smile! We exclaim over and over how proud we are.

We call it an early night and crawl into bed together. Skin to skin.

How is motherhood

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As a new mum, I am faced with this question at least a couple of times a week, usually followed by “don’t lie to me” or “it’s the best thing ever, isn’t it?!”

How is motherhood.

In all honestly, I never know quite how to answer because it really depends on the month/week/day/hour/minute I’m having that can really effect my response. I want to say it’s the worst thing that has happened to me….and also say it’s the best.

Am I supposed to tell you about breastfeeding in washrooms where I have to cover my nose to mask the smell of it never being cleaned? Or the other time washing my hands in a empty public washroom she was in her pram screaming, the sound was reverberating off the faded blue walls making it sound like there were three of her, that a calmness came over me when I realized that I could leave her and no one would know she was mine. That having thoughts of leaving, running as fast as I can sounds like the best idea ever? And that I’m the worst person who ever existed.

Do you want to know the story of listening constantly to one song while pregnant, dreaming of my future babe, then dissolving into a puddle of tears when she was finally in my arms and feeling so unworthy to be called her mum? How about my internal struggle to even be called mum, or dealing with the fact that prior to becoming pregnant the idea of children would fill me with so much anxiety that now I’m still unsure how I’m supposed to love her? Or when friends say “I don’t want children” my heart says “me too!” even with her in my arms, and then again I feel like the worst person, ever.

Do you want to hear that I work hard to get her to sleep, nurse, and go to the bathroom? That if we didn’t have a schedule, I’d be dealing with a completely different child…not the calm one I have? That bringing up a babe is so.much.work? Like all parents should be sweating blood due to the commitment it takes to devote your energy to a child?

That it feels like I’m complaining when I tell you this?

Or do you want to hear about how every time she successfully sleeps through the night I feel like I should celebrate with champagne? Sleeps longer than a 45 minute nap I want to smother her in kisses? That seeing her wake up, pull her hands above her head and give a big stretch is one of the most adorable things I’ve ever seen, besides her sneezing?

That no matter how much screaming she’s done, how many tears we’ve cried, how upset I’ve gotten that I can’t seem to figure my babe out, that when she finally settles in my arms squeezing either side of my neck while resting her head on my left shoulder I feel like my heart will bust because she finds comfort in me? That each smile, girggle, coo, sigh is a major victory and I’m the best person, ever?

Or perhaps you want to know that she feels like she’s the perfect piece to complete Mister and I. But also the piece that’s making him miss him like crazy, even when he sits next to me.

So how is motherhood, you ask.

What would you like to hear?

Weekly life

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Days spent cuddled close, staying in pajamas, listening to the rain fall against the window, and lighting a new voluspa crisp champagne candle to cast a glow across the room.

When babe is being fussy and I find myself on the verge of tears I’m thankful for the classical music that plays throughout the house while we go about our day. I love how it relaxes us and creates a softness in our home. We slow down soaking up the moment, her and I, bundled together on white sheets and soft pillows.

My life coach

I‘ve been wanting to write this post for some time, but I could never find the right words.

This time last year I started working with my own life coach, and it was one of the most amazing experiences I’ve ever had to help me push some major dreams forward. Maybe it was because we had known each other for quite some time but really it’s because she is amazing at what she does.

The reason why I decided to work with a life coach was because I knew I wanted to move forward and launch my website, but I needed to have someone outside of my family to keep me accountable. She reviled what was holding me back, what my big dream was for pushing publish, and helped me create small stepping stones to get there.

Within a month I launched my website and instantly had people asking to work with me. Talk about achieving a major milestone!

Essentially within two months of working with my life coach I had launched my business and made some significant life decisions. It was probably one of the most productive periods of my life, and I have her to thank for it.

So who I was I working with?

My life coach and dear friend is Natalia from Achieve the Impossible.

I met her over 5 years ago as one of my very first boudoir clients and that session propelled me into specializing in boudoir. We kept in touch here and there and then in 2012 she reached out to me for business advice. Our relationship grew even stronger and then she asked me to photograph her once again for her website in 2013. It was the last portrait session I took. We came full circle together.

So when I was searching for a life coach to launch my new direction in life, I knew it needed to be her. I’m wanting to do a post about what it was like to work with a coach, but that will come at a later time.

I know that some of you are looking to make some changes in your life, as I know there are still some changes I’d like to make, so that is why I’m telling you about the course Natalia is putting on.

Natalia is running a free e-course that starts April 15, 2014 that is a 14-day journey where we will spend small pockets of time every day – releasing, renewing, and making space for laughter, ease and magic.

Sometimes before you make can make big changes you need to clear the space and accept where you are, and I know Natalia can help you get there.

Natalia’s course is Free, and is a great introduction to working with a life coach.

I encourage you to register for She let go! I’m going to!

*This post is unsponsored. I will never tell you about something I don’t fully believe in. I really enjoyed my time working with Natalia and wanted to share the course with you.

Weekly life


A week filled with late sleep ins and early wake up calls. No matter what, they are beautiful moments of us squinting at the morning light then staring and smiling at each other.

Each morning as we go through our morning routine I notice how Mister and I have a particular song and dance that we move to. Weaving in and away from each other, smiles, flirtatious eyes, and helpful hands. This dance particularly takes place in the kitchen and always ends with a kiss and saying good-bye for the day.

We celebrate our babe’s two month birthday by meeting together for an afternoon latte together at a cafe near his work. He takes her from the pram and holds her with such love and admiration and she willingly falls asleep in his arms. Sip after sip we enjoy our foamy lattes we discuss the little details of life and the anticipation of my upcoming birthday.

Later in the week, her and I shop along Robson and walk away with two small white sleepers for her to grow into wrapped in tissue and then placed in a white paper bag. It’s the small luxuries.

I have a couple of hours alone to myself with no babe to care for that I walk the brick lanes of Gastown and find myself thinking of Europe. A feeling buried deep within me bubbles up as I admire the architecture, that here – Vancouver, is home and so is Europe. I know I will never be able to combine the two, that no matter where I am living I will always miss the other, but I set my heart on visiting Europe as soon as we can. I pick up two white boxes filled with treats; a chocolate covered cheesecake and the other a earl gray infused sponge cake with lavender and vanilla swirl frosting. They are decadent and beautiful to look at, and sugary sweet on the tongue.

I start an evening bedtime routine that relaxes both the babe and I. Starting a warm bath the smell of vanilla and rose fill the room. She coos and smiles as she enjoys the water and our slick skin next to each other. When we step out of the bath I love seeing her pink body wrapped in a white towel and her tiny toes sticking out the end as she kicks and squirms before I apply lotion all over her. We end the routine with her at my breast, her arm thrown across her eyes in relaxation as her breathing goes deeper and deeper before I put her down for bed.

We end the week with a walk as a family through the city to select my birthday gift. It’s wrapped in tissue and placed in a box even though I know what it is. I love requesting to be pampered and the luxuriousness of the packaging. We slip into a dark restaurant with our sleeping babe in the pram next to us as we order birthday eve drinks and discuss our future holiday in London, careers opportunities and dreams, finances, feelings, and priorities. It’s a great conversation and a time to connect to one another.