I want to be a lawyer

I have this thought that goes on repeat multiple times a month and I always laugh it off. “I want to be a lawyer”. I’ve had that thought since sixth grade, this weird inclining that being a lawyer would be the best thing ever. Silly me, I always think, you know that would be the worst job for you!

It all started when we had to do a job shadowing for the day, and I was paired up at a law office. I spent the day wandering around a bleak office with beige walls, windows at the front and old dated paintings on the wall. It smelled musty too, all that paper that was piled up along the hallways in on the lawyers desk couldn’t keep that smell away. But while I was tucked away in the back office filing papers I thought that they had the best job!

This idea that being a lawyer would be the best thing has stayed with me since.

But the reason why I laugh at it is because since then I have worked in many law firms. Beautiful downtown offices with a view of the ocean and mountain skyline sending off trademark applications, bleak offices in the suburbs where I’m folding and stamping Wills and Trusts away, holding court documents and running massive binders with my heels clacking along the courtroom floors, my head bowed low flipping through boxes and boxes of documents looking for that one particular line that might show a client’s innocence.

I’ve seen the stress and the long hours that lawyers put in while I was the assistant typing up letters and bringing them coffee. I know without a doubt that a lawyer’s life isn’t glamorous by any means, it is essentially the opposite of anything I gravitate towards.

I know I’m a creative and I need that outlet to feel a sense of freedom in my life. Yet I also know I desperately enjoy helping people and this is where this returning thought comes from.

It always sneaks up on me, I want to be a lawyer. And I always have to step back and ask myself, is that what I truly want? Or am I just bored.

I’m usually bored.