When you don’t feel good enough, dance!

I crawled into bed and pulled the covers up tight around my face, my nose just barely peeking out so I was able to breathe. It was shallow and quick. My emotions were flooding me, almost to the point of overflowing with tears. I held them back and willed myself to sleep. Sleep came, but it felt short.

Once morning came, I didn’t want to turn on my computer, tired of feeling like everyone else’s business was cooler/better/more prosperous then mine. I decided to take a shower, it’s where I feel the most relaxed. Instead I came face to face with my emotions under the stream of water. How could I feel so defeated, so alone, and utterly useless when I’m living out one of my life dreams? I almost curled into a ball on the cold plastic floor. My stomach in knots, I pushed through and stepped out into the steam. I decided I needed a break from my everyday.

I turned off facebook.
I turned off twitter.
I only answered important emails.

I turned up music that would make me happy then I opened up the windows to allow fresh air in. And I worked and danced in my little groove. By afternoon I felt better and by evening I received some amazing emails encouragement, a long phone call with a new friend who supported me, and then a conversation with an old friend who pulled me out of my despair.

It’s easy to feel like you’re not good enough, that everyone is more amazing then you. But you need those people around you that support you and think you’re awesome sauce even when you feel like you’re not. Thank you to everyone who supports me, I truly appreciate and love each and every one of you. I wouldn’t be here without you!

3 comments
  • TanjaApril 20, 2011 - 4:52 PM

    Sweetie, we all feel that way from time to time. Sending a big hug! Let’s have coffee again soon!ReplyCancel

  • JelgerApril 20, 2011 - 4:56 PM

    Hi Lesley, it’s quite a relief for me to read that I’m not the only one who’s sometimes struck by these feelings (even to the point that I feel creatively paralyzed) Sometimes it seems as if all of those ‘others’ who do seem so much better (especially at those down moments) never wrestle with such feelings.

    You probably know by now that I’m a big fan of you and your work, and feel inspired by it. Ironically enough, that makes you ‘the other’ when I’m in a down moment. Yet when I hear that you (and probably all of the ‘others’) are sometimes struck by the same ‘episodes’ it shows me that it’s a part of the road to becoming a better photographer, not a road block that keeps you from it.

    I know quite whell how hard it must be to share this experience with the world. Nonetheless, you do it and keep doing it. I can absolutely applaud you for it.

    Thanks!ReplyCancel

  • Alanna NicoleApril 20, 2011 - 5:18 PM

    I was having these exact same feelings just a few days ago! They come and go for me…it’s tough sometimes! Glad to know I’m not the only one going through this kinda stuff 🙂 I miss you dear friend! I miss our work dates! I miss shooting with you! Hang in there 🙂 You are FABULOUS! You are an amazingly talented photographer, and I admire you in so many ways! Love you girl!ReplyCancel