I’ve been sitting here most of the morning with my laptop open on my bare legs staring out the window towards the mountains and the ocean wondering if I should write this. Then I realized I should, I should write how I feel in this moment to remember where I came from and how I’m feeling.

My chest is tight and my breath is shallow that I find myself sighing every few minutes to try and settle myself. It’s the feeling of being anxious and nervous, and as I search inward to find out why I realize it’s nothing I can change. Because it is change that is coming that is making me anxious. I’ve been longing for this change for quite some time and am always excited at the prospect of it. But now the longing is slowly becoming a reality and I can feel the tides changing, the season making room for the other.

As I take another deep breath, I have to remind myself that I want this, that I want to move forward. I must move both feet forward and make room for the change at hand.

My chest is tight and my breath is shallow, and even though I find myself sighing every few minutes to try and settle myself I know eventually it will pass and the change will come.

4 years ago today we went on somewhat of a double date and while Talladega Nights was playing on the big screen we flirted our way to the end of the movie. I didn’t think much of it, yes I liked you, but I wasn’t going to think anything further then just playful flirting.

The next day you sent me an email and asked me out for dinner, my heart stopped then jumped for joy that you wanted to hang out with me. We went out and had a great time, you then told me you had a job interview coming up that was out of the country. I liked you, but once you told me that, I figured our relationship wouldn’t go much further then me getting a free dinner from our date.

You went to the job interview and said it went extremely well. I knew that if you asked me I would move for you, I really liked you. 2 weeks later you called me your girlfriend and I met your parents. You got the job but turned it down and then 3 years later we got married.

4 years ago today we went on somewhat of a double date, I liked you, but now I love you and I don’t know how I will ever top your best birthday present…me going on a double date with you!

Happy Birthday Mister!

I love my Mister, a lot! I love that when we’re watching TV together (which doesn’t happen very often) he’ll pick up my feet put them in his lap and start to massage them for me. I love, that after being away from him, he arrives at the airport to pick me up with a beautiful rose – I’m not a huge flower person but this meant the world to me. I love that every morning he wakes up before me, cleans the rest of the dishes in the sink and makes me my morning latte then quietly comes into the room whispers my name and says “coffee is ready”.

Mister, is the one who calms my fears, creates a place for my ideas and dreams to thrive, and who I love going on walks with no matter the weather. And to celebrate our love together, for being married a whole year, we decided to do a photo shoot of our own!

My mom’s friend told me that every year since she’s been married that she puts on her dress every anniversary, and I thought “I’m going to do that!”. So, year one..complete with photos to prove it! Also, for our guest sign in at our wedding we didn’t do a traditional book, photobook, or even a matte photo – we used something we love, wine. We got 6 bottles, that we will age and then open them at different times throughout our marriage. Year one, complete while enjoying some awesome cheese and photos!

A year ago, I woke up quietly with my heart tight in my chest and stared at the ceiling. A year ago, on June 20, 2009, I woke up excited and happy that I was on my way to marry my mister. My girls and I excitedly giggled and smiled as we got ready for the day, but to be completely honest, I didn’t really feel like I was there. I smiled, I got excited, I got my picture taken, but all I was thinking about was seeing him. I didn’t really care about anything else.

Finally the moment came where it was announced that we were going. We jumped in the elevator and I just wanted it to go faster. The limo driver wasn’t driving fast enough either. And finally we arrived at our destination. But it wasn’t quite time yet. So I sat, and waited. I peered out the window hoping to get a glimpse of him, but our wedding party was very diligent in making sure we were both well hidden from each other.

Adam and I choose to do a first look, and I highly recommend it, so when the time came where everyone was ready and I could finally see him, I could barely walk. Mostly cause I wanted to run to him. I held my breath, and then, with a sigh of relief there he was, with my favourite smile, eyes filled with love he held onto me like he was never going to let me go and whispered “I love you”.

Mister,

this year has been an amazing journey. With you by my side I dream bigger,
reach higher, land softer, feel braver, try harder, live truer, love deeper.

I can’t believe that this year has gone so quickly, I swear time was supposed
to pause somewhere between then and now, but I’m happy that you are the one who
I am going to grow old with, travel with, dance with, plan and dream with, and
who will hold my hand until…..always.

Love you, more and more each day, with all my heart. Moi