Welcome to

THE BLOG

Need vs Want – A spending detox success

Posted in Lifestyle DesignTags:

need vs want, spending detox, financial success

If you’d like to start at the very first spending detox post, you can find Part 1 here.

At the end of part 1, I mentioned I would share my process of how I created my Need vs. Want list so that I continued to have success with my spending detox. And here you are! I created this list perhaps 2 – 3 weeks into my detox after realizing that going on a spending detox for 6 months would mean I would have to spend money at sometime and needed to know how to do it properly.

Before I show you my need vs want list I need to share that I am doing this on my own. My husband fully supports me but the spending detox is purely my own. I’ve invited him to join me but I’ve completely left it up to him how he wants to play according to his own needs and wants.

I truly believe creating a need and want list will help you in your spending detox success. The beauty of them is that it is completely unique to you and your experience, and how you decide you want to live your life.

Now onto creating your Need vs Want list! Take your bills/transactions from the past couple of months (2-3 months worth) and categorize them into categories that make sense to you. There might be a few that you can’t categorize because they were a one time purchase, just put those under misc. With all your spending out and the open you can see where your money is going, what habits you’ve formed, and what shops you frequent the most.

Now ask yourself, are you serious about doing a spending detox? If the answer is yes, then it’s time to get cut-throat with your spending.

Start really analyzing your spending and asking yourself what is a need. Definition of need is “require (something) because it is essential or very important”. These are your basics, what you need to truly get by in life to help you feel human. Move the categories that you require so that you have a roof over your head, food in your belly, a way to get to work, a way to contact your loved ones, and perhaps a little icing on the cake like coffee once a week or whatever you need to still feel you.

Once you have your need list, everything else goes under want. Definition of want is “have a desire to possess or do (something); wish for.” Essentially it’s the trendy clothes and accessories, the new shoes for the night out, the treat on a bad day, new pjs for the children because “they were on sale!”. Absolutely everything that isn’t on your need list goes under want.

Here is mine:

Need vs Want List

NEEDS:

  • mortgage
  • strata fees
  • property taxes
  • electrical bill
  • health insurance
  • car payments
  • gas
  • toll fees
  • mobile phone
  • daycare
  • groceries
  • internet
  • coffee
  • clothes for children
  • massages
  • professional haircuts
  • date nights (2/month)
  • dinner/lunch dates with friend (2/month)

WANTS:

  • fast fashion
  • clothes for children
  • toys for children
  • unscheduled lunches/dinners/coffee out with friends outside of 2/month
  • clothes for myself
  • makeup
  • knowledge based products
  • home decor
  • kindle/books
  • home accessories for the kitchen
  • nail polish
  • essential oils
  • stationary
  • kitchen towels

Make sure your need vs want list is always ready and available for you. Mine is on the note app on my phone, because I always have my phone with me. So no matter where I am I can easily turn to it when I’m feeling the urge to buy.

As I mentioned, each person will have their own unique needs vs want list. If Adam were to write one up I guarantee that his would look different than mine, even though we share the same house and bank account. And I’m perfectly okay with that. This is my list and I’m completely happy with mine. There is a sense of freedom that I feel when I look at it, I feel like I can breathe when it comes to my finances, which I don’t think I’ve ever been able to do.

With my needs vs want list I have the power to have a spending detox success. Now your turn!

You might also like:

  1. Blocks of life – 4 simple steps to time management
  2. The guilt of expectations
  3. Getting rid of inspiration
Tags:

I want to be a lawyer

Posted in Personal

I have this thought that goes on repeat multiple times a month and I always laugh it off. “I want to be a lawyer”. I’ve had that thought since sixth grade, this weird inclining that being a lawyer would be the best thing ever. Silly me, I always think, you know that would be the worst job for you!

It all started when we had to do a job shadowing for the day, and I was paired up at a law office. I spent the day wandering around a bleak office with beige walls, windows at the front and old dated paintings on the wall. It smelled musty too, all that paper that was piled up along the hallways in on the lawyers desk couldn’t keep that smell away. But while I was tucked away in the back office filing papers I thought that they had the best job!

This idea that being a lawyer would be the best thing has stayed with me since.

But the reason why I laugh at it is because since then I have worked in many law firms. Beautiful downtown offices with a view of the ocean and mountain skyline sending off trademark applications, bleak offices in the suburbs where I’m folding and stamping Wills and Trusts away, holding court documents and running massive binders with my heels clacking along the courtroom floors, my head bowed low flipping through boxes and boxes of documents looking for that one particular line that might show a client’s innocence.

I’ve seen the stress and the long hours that lawyers put in while I was the assistant typing up letters and bringing them coffee. I know without a doubt that a lawyer’s life isn’t glamorous by any means, it is essentially the opposite of anything I gravitate towards.

I know I’m a creative and I need that outlet to feel a sense of freedom in my life. Yet I also know I desperately enjoy helping people and this is where this returning thought comes from.

It always sneaks up on me, I want to be a lawyer. And I always have to step back and ask myself, is that what I truly want? Or am I just bored.

I’m usually bored.

You might also like:

  1. When life points you down a new path
  2. I’m still here
  3. Reflection

I want to go on a spending detox – 4 steps to get you started

Posted in PersonalTags:

spending detox, get out of debt, slow living

At the end of 2016 I had an idea creep up my shoulders and bury itself into the forefront of my mind. “I want to go on a spending detox”.  I was startled by it, because it was very unlike me to think such a thing. But I was curious what it had to say and if I could actually do it.

I’m not one who typically jumps head first into a thought or decision, I take my time really pondering and analyzing if it sits well for me. After a couple of weeks of mulling the idea around I was pretty sure that I wanted to go forward with it. It was scary and terrifying and I wasn’t too sure if I could actually pull it off. But I was determined.

Here is a little secret about me: I’ve only recently discovered the benefits of being determined to see something through, and I’m astounded by the results. Determination and dedication isn’t something that I was naturally born with, nor was taught in my upbringing. So when this idea came rearing it’s head at me, I shied away at first because I was afraid that I would fail before I would even start.

As I rung in the new year with a glass of bubbly in my hand I knew that I was turning over a new chapter in my life. I, the one who enjoys spending money, shopping for my children, stopping into stores like Burberry and Louis Vuitton just to see what they had was going to go on a spending detox.

But first, I needed to lay a good foundation to set myself up for success. I’ll share what steps I took in case you’d like to follow along.

How to start a spending detox:

Detox the inbox

My first course of action was detoxing my inbox. All those sales newsletters I was getting I knew was feeding into my desire to spend money and shop, even if I wasn’t interest in buying anything! I had to be cut-throat about the process and unsubscribe from almost every single newsletter that came into my inbox: The GAP, JCrew, Kate Spade, Amazon, the lifecoaches and influencers who sell knowledge based products. All of them had to go. The first couple of unsubscribes hurt, but then I had to remind myself that I was protecting the success of my spending detox by making sure I didn’t get tempted by future sales emails, and I could also resubscribe in the future if I wanted to.

Detox your social media

My next step was going through and unfollowing particular pages or people on my social media feed who would make me want to buy what they were selling or raving about. Some people were painful to unfollow, because I truly loved their feed, but I knew that I needed to feel good about opening up my social media sites and not be cringing and complaining about starting on my spending detox. I also told myself that I can follow them later when I felt more secure in my new way of living, or when I’m done my detox.

Set a finish date

Doing those steps helped me feel like I was setting myself up for success. These smaller detoxes were essentially training me for the larger detox. But I needed to know how long my spending detox was going to last. At first I was telling myself it needed to be a year, because that seemed to be what everyone else was doing. But the more that I sat with it the more that a whole year of doing a spending detox felt challenging and daunting. It didn’t seem fun or exciting, it felt like I was just trying to prove I could do it. Then a friend asked, “what will feel challenging yet do-able” and I instantly knew that six months would suit me more.

It takes three months to break your previous habits and another three to build new ones. I knew six months would be the perfect amount of time to really lean into my spending detox while also learning new habits so I could continue to spend differently than before.

Create a Need and Want list

Once I had my finish date in my calendar, end of July 2017, I had one more task to keep me in line. Knowing what exactly I would be spending my money on for the next six months! I wanted this ready and available so that no matter where I was I could refer back to it when I was in a weak moment – like walking through the grocery store – and pulled out the note app on my phone and got to work. I loved how I got to control what was acceptable, by me, to purchase and what my money would be going to go towards.

I’ll share what exactly is on my Need and Want list next time so you can have a deeper look.

Then the fun started, my Spending Detox was happening

Suddenly, instead of my spending detox feeling restrictive and like I was banning myself from enjoying life I was giving myself freedom to live my life differently.

You might also like:

  1. It’s you, it’s me until….always
  2. Gift giving
  3. Weekly life
Tags:

The crossroad of Should and Must

Posted in Lifestyle Design

lifestyle blogging, vancouver lifestyle, writer, spending detox

A few years ago I can across the book The Crossroads of Should and Must: Find and Follow Your Passion by Elle Luna. Since I’ve been reading self development books for quite some time it didn’t speak to me the way I’m sure the Elle had intended. Instead it has stuck with me in more practical everyday events. Elle wrote her book to help those who wanted to know what to pursue in their life and career, I refer to my crossroad of should and must on my everyday tasks and activities.

As a wife, mother, independent woman and business owner I am constantly pulled in many different directions with a pile of laundry on one side, my endless to-do list on the other, and all the things I want to do in front of me. My crossroad of should and must happens multiple times a day and I’m constantly trying to battle the wills and wants of my family along with them.

The more that I talk to other women I find that they too feel like they are pulled in many different directions and don’t quite know how to manage their should and must, and most end up feeling trapped under the trap list.

I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone and you can find a way out of it that is unique to you. You’ll walk away feeling more in control of your day, breathe easier, and love yourself more.

1. Create a daily/weekly/monthly requirement list

I create these usually every year, sometimes twice a year if I feel like something needs to be added/taken away. This will be completely unique to you and your life, but here is mine:

Daily:

  • waking up slowly, before the children
  • movement and relaxation for a min. of 30 mins
  • shower and shave
  • moisturize body
  • hair and makeup
  • coffee
  • healthy breakfast, lunch, and dinner
  • tidy kitchen
  • min of 15 mins of dedicated playtime with the children

Weekly:

  • hair washed  and styled (I do only wash my hair once a week!)
  • meal plan and grocery order
  • update mint (budget app on my phone)
  • min of 30 mins of writing time at least 3 times per week
  • quality conversation with my husband
  • clothes washed, folded, and put away

Monthly:

  • clean house
  • rotate toys
  • review and adjust budget
  • review children’s clothes

2. Create a list of the things you feel like you should do

Again, this will be completely unique to you and your life. Something on my list might be something you must do or love to do and vis versa. This list might be really long or really short, either way it is never wrong. Here is mine:

  • make a million dollars 😉
  • have a closet full of on trend clothes
  • know what the latest places are to see, do, eat
  • have a clean and organized home at all times
  • blog and send out a newsletter at least once a week
  • send out yearly christmas cards, valentines cards, halloween treats
  • live abroad
  • be active in a charity or networking group
  • be an attachment parent
  • have children who eat everything I make and never have a bite of sugar
  • have a house with grass and room for our children to run

3. Create a list of things you truly want

This list might be harder to create, because you need to remove and let go of all of your “should do” and any shinny objects or dreams you see your friends or social media influencers have and really hone in what it is you truly want. However, this is might be the most enjoyable list to create because you’ll see what your true desires are right in front of you. Here is mine:

  • own a thriving and profitable business
  • write and publish books
  • have loving and thriving relationships with my children and husband
  • travel the world
  • serve delicious and healthy meals that my children will eat, even if it’s only a portion
  • be kind, and courageous, all while following my curiosity

4. Look at should and want list and eliminate

Now you look at your should and want list and see if there is anything that overlaps or is similar. Take my “have children who eat everything I make and never have a bite of sugar” and “serve delicious and healthy meals that my children will eat, even if it’s only a portion”, here I know that my should and wants are overlapping but knowing the reality of my children I know that I need to create meals that appeal to their pallet as well as my own. Now we have pizza Friday with a movie while the other days of the week I cook more healthy meals while making sure there is something they like on the plate. If we look at “make a million dollars” and “own a thriving and profitable business” I could put the standard of making a million dollars is what I’m striving for, but I know that is on my should list, because that is what society deems of when “you’ve made it”. But what I want, more than a million dollars is to own a thriving and profitable business, so I’ll eliminate the goal of a million dollars and stay true to being profitable instead.

Go through both of your lists and really hone in on what it is you want and see what you can combine, outsource, or completely eliminate all together. The more things you can eliminate the better!

5. Take what is left and see if you want to fit it into your must list

Now we go back to our first list, the things that must get done in your day/week/month so that you feel in control, can breathe easier, and feel like you’re taking care of yourself. See if you can fit the things you want into your schedule while paying attention to where it fits and how it fits, and how you feel when you place it there. Is there a restriction or a sense of freedom? If there is a restriction in your chest or throat really ask yourself if you truly want it. It could just be fear playing with you afraid you’re changing things up. Really, pay attention to you and your needs. This is all about you anyway.

So there you have it, how to manage the crossroad of should and must! Please share below if you go through the process and how you found it, I would love to hear from you!

This post contains affiliate links, so I may receive a commission if you chose to purchase the mentioned book.

You might also like:

  1. Living offline in an online world
  2. Fear of failure
  3. Do what you need to do

5 Things I’m afraid to tell you

Posted in Writing

lesley stefanski, writing, what are you afraid of

It is well known, if you’ve been following this space for awhile now, that I go through phases of blogging. Either I’m “all in” or I’m “all out”. But the funny this is, that when I’m all out I can’t stop thinking about it or dreaming up new posts, or wishing I had the determination to keep at it. It weighs heavily on me that I can’t consistently blog like other writers.

I’ve decided to jump back on my “all in” wagon because I feel like I still have a place, or at least want to have a place, here on the internet. I feel like my voice needs to be heard and that someone is looking for what I have to say. That sounds very narcissistic, but it’s coming from a very heart centred place. As much as I’ve tried to just let this home of mine go and that writing just for myself is good enough, it’s not. I’ve tried it and it just doesn’t work.

As I began to move towards writing here again, I decided I needed a fresh look and feel. I needed to refocus on why I was on the internet and the first place so I deleted a bunch of copy, rewrote my about page and really honed in on what it was I wanted to bring to the world.

Because I believe in transparency and honesty I thought I would begin this rendition of “all in” with:

5 things I’m afraid to tell you:

  1. When I’m quiet on my blog or social media it is typically because I’m internally processing my thoughts. During that quiet phase I’m always nervous that people will leave so I feel this anxiety that I have to share even though I know I can’t mentally share my thoughts. So I end up sharing silly things that in the end I am embarrassed about instead of being really proud of sharing.
  2. I’m afraid of rejection, big time. My enneagram is type 9, the peace maker, which means that I’ll do anything I possibly can to avoid rejection or conflict. This means that I can become very passive about life and what I want from it. So even though I’m all for “live what you love” sometimes I can’t even force myself to do it because I would rather not rock the boat.
  3. I’m afraid of sharing what I’m interested in because I feel like people will call me a flake (see point 2). What I’m interested can change from month to month, day to day, hour to hour even! I once had a running joke with a friend that I would text her when I had my next interest. No joke I texted her more than 10 times in a hour telling her what my next interest was. A fashion buyer/barre fitness instructor/learn calligraphy/market high end houses…the list went on and on.
  4. Whenever I’m on the trail of a new interest I want to tell everybody. I want everyone to jump on board with me because I think it’s the greatest idea ever. I want to share and teach my findings, but I always hold myself back because I’m afraid that I’ll be looked at as someone who is flighty or can’t stay dedicated to something. In the end I keep almost everything to myself and not share because I’m also afraid of someone labeling me as “if one cannot do, they teach”.
  5. I’m afraid this phase of “all in” will be short lived and I should just give up this whole idea of wanting to share my interests with anyone (see point 3 and 4) and that my dream of writing for a living is just one big pipe dream.

So there you have it. All the things I’m afraid to tell pretty much anyone out there in the open. Now I’m going to go and light a candle, pour myself some tea and hopefully not regret this post tomorrow.

You might also like:

  1. Ignite & Inspire: Facing your fears
  2. You were created for greatness so live it
  3. Growing into your potential
« Older posts Newer posts »